On Lying

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember everything.”- Mark Twain

Last week, I caught someone in a lie.  No, this is an uncommon occurrence. I can have an almost eidetic memory at times, and I tend to remember more of what people say than I believe they truly intend to show. It’s a terrible burden to both me and to most everyone who enters my life. After all, who wants to be married to the person who can quote your passing words at 5:30 am weeks later, with an added bonus of what clothes you were wearing and that ketchup stain on your shirt? That’s not very fun, is it?  Even worse is when I dig deep, because inevitably there is more where that ketchup stain come from…

So I try forgiving, but it’s become a humongous issue in my life that I want to come clean about. My internal dialog goes something like this: What exactly is lying, anyway? Is there such a thing as a white lie? Is withholding the truth or not telling the full story lying? Maybe that person doesn’t realize they are not telling the truth. Should I let this one go?

On a professional level, I’ve often remarked to my peers that people in the music business lie a lot, but that is an irresponsible and sweeping statement. An exact statement is that people in all realms of business lie. More spot on is that people just lie in general. The music industry has just perfected and accepted lying as a part of the “cost of doing business” a little bit more. Or, we are less apologetic about it, as my observation has been over time. I’m so determined to be different, both personally and professionally. I hope if you glean anything from knowing me personally or learning about me through this blog  it’s that I attempt to live a life of integrity.  I famously remark that it’s the only real thing I’ve got.  It’s so important to me to believe that people in my life are operating with the best intentions- to me, to themselves, and to the world. After all, what’s the point?

But, as I also like to say, back to me. How am I going to handle my current little situation? To be honest (get it?), I’m not quite sure yet. I’m still dealing with the disappointment and reality of what it means to me right now- like that oft circulated Nietzsche quote: “Not that you lied to me but that I no longer believe you has shaken me.” And why am I writing about it here? Because I realize that I am not the only one who deals with these issues every day. Because if we don’t share, we sit alone in the dark. When we sit alone in the dark, we don’t change anything. And if we don’t change anything, we never move forward.

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