I’ve had about three blog posts drafted as my end of year posts. None of them feel right. I’m not sure what to say about 2011; some people have remarked on what an incredibly difficult year this must have been for me. “This was the worst year,” they say.
I don’t feel that way. I’ve faced much harder times. Maybe that’s what gets me through.
I lost a dear childhood friend of mine in September. Such a blow, and I haven’t given her a proper eulogy here in my little online world. The words don’t come to me the way they used to in the past. But, as I told her family, she was a very important friend to me. She helped shape my life and was the center of a group of people who kept me going during some very dark times in my family. What can you possibly say about a person like that to do them justice? All that came across my lips to her sisters ears during her funeral were “she was very important.” She was. I will never forget her.
I don’t feel cheated. It was her time. It was my father’s time. Life is short. LIFE IS SHORT. There was a blog post circulating a few months ago titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. I saw many people repost it on Facebook. Those same people hate their lives, hate their marriages and hate their jobs. All I could think when I read those words were that it would resonate with some people for a day, maybe two. Then they’d be back to whatever they were doing (or not doing) before. I’m not being critical. It’s human nature. But, every day, I think of those things. Every single day. When I drive down the road I think “this could be it” and when I lunch with a friend I think “this may be the last time we speak.” Losing people close to you, especially someone who is your contemporary, changes how you view the world, the actions you take and the words that part from your lips…
Things make a bit more sense now than they used to in ways I cannot explain. I will pursue my passions. I will live my life on my own terms. I will cherish my time here on this earth. I will be happy. Being happy is a choice. I won’t “try.” I will, I will, I will do these things. I will not be hungry. For once, I will be satisfied, but still strive for more. Thank you, Kathleen.
Does anyone remember Emmet Otter’s Jug-band Christmas? Jim Henson, in all his sentimentality and wisdom, took a very deep concept and translated it for children. He used a John Denver/Paul Williams song about the peace that comes when you understand the path of life and applied it to the character’s seemingly hapless circumstance. It’s a consoling song you sing to yourself when you realize that you want to know, but you cannot know.
“Though our minds be filled with questions
In our hearts we’ll understand…”
Happy New Year, and cheers to the unknown.